In lieu of America’s Most Smartest Model, our normal Sunday night programming, Mary Milan and I took in The Exorcism of Emily Rose last night on TNT.  It’s a weird movie, half courtroom drama, half horror movie.  It plays sort of like the Scopes Monkey Trial for demonic possession; Inherit the Wind meets The Exorcist. 

About three-quarters of the way through the movie, during the failed exorcism, it struck me that whenever the devil possesses a person in these movies that are “based on true events,” all they do is act scary.  They have scars on their face, flail about, and say some crazy ass shit.

Sounds like an epileptic, schizophrenic, meth head if you ask me. 

They never actually do anything evil or demonic, like open the gates to hell or raise demons from the ground or some shit like that.  That would be terrifying.  Fuck, I’d be happy if they did something just midly evil like bring a plague or steal somebody’s cookies. 

Don’t get me wrong, if I woke up and found Mary Milan all dystonic on the floor looking back up at me and speaking in languages she had no way of knowing, I would be scared as hell.

But after a few hours of being scared out of my mind, I’d probably be able to pool the mental resources to throw a blanket over her, call the police and have her hospitalized.  I sure as hell wouldn’t keep her in the house, like all these fools do after their loved ones get possessed. 

Mary Milan said she’d do the same thing to me if I ever just happen to get possessed.  Emergency plans.  They are important to have.

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