johnnyhongkong says…

There are a number of reasons why I’m not super proud of having gone to Vassar however none of those reasons can eclipse this.

Mary Milan originally brought it to my attention a few weeks ago when she thumbed through a recent issue of the monthly almuni magazine but I must have blocked it out.

Seriously, if you’re in any office that deals with past students or future students and you get a hot tip that the kids are playing Quidditch in Noyes Circle, you gotta supress that fucking shit, NOT promote it.

It’s just not shit you want people to know because neither alums nor prospective students will want to associate with a school that offers quidditch as a sanctioned NCAA D-III intramural sport.

It’s like an outbreak of Ebola; you must contain and kill.

For all you fuckers out there saying that it’s not any different than ultimate frisbee, shut the fuck up. Those bitches are running around with brooms.

Brooms!

BROOMS!

My head is going to explode.

The AMPTP has returned from Thanksgiving with their bellies full of turkey and have, as promised, returned to the negotiating table. According to this report from Variety, they will be resuming negotiations with the WGA at an undisclosed location.

You know what I have to say about that?

RUN, WRITER’S GUILD NEGOTIATING TEAM! DICK CHENEY IS THERE!

And he’s hungry for internet residuals (and babies)!

We will be heading over to Mary Milan’s colleagues’ for Thanksgiving and for the second year in a row, I will not be in charge of the bird.  Last year, we had the pleasure of having our bird cooked by the son of a turkey farmer.  This year, we are looking forward to the culinary magic of a grad student.

I was originally just slated to make cranberry sauce which meant a whole lot of kicking back and wine drinking because cranberry sauce is the easiest damn thing to make really, really good:

Cranberries + water + freshly squeeze orange juice + orange zest + sugar = delicious.

We might fancy it up a bit with port and roasted sweet onions but the basic recipe is the same.

But as it turned out, the person who volunteered cooking the turkey got a 10 pound bird for 11 people and now the hosts are a little worried about the amount of meat for the feast. 

So I offered to do a turducken roulade wrapped in caul fat or since the turkey to guest disparity was so close, just bring a few extra side dishes.

Having had the experience of making a turducken napolean a some years ago, I’m kind of excited to reattack the turducken challenge without actually having to debone three birds. 

However, sourcing caul fat with 1.5 days left might be difficult.  And taking a look at the side dishes currently on the menu, it seems like they might be in more dire need of side dishes:

Mashed potatoes
Green bean casserole
Stuffing
Sweet potatoes

So, side dishes then.

Just sit with it for a minute: Turducken roulade wrapped in caul fat.

My mouth waters a little bit just thinking about it.  Oh well, it’s probably all for the best anyway.  It is Thanksgiving after all and like a bride at a wedding, the turkey is the star of the show.  Nobody wants a sassy turducken at the ceremony in a better dress screaming, “look at me, look at me.”  That’s a no-no in Miss Manners’ book. 

Did you know that the average Thanksgiving meal is 5,000 calories? And that’s not having anything wrapped in caul fat.  It’s not the L-Tryptophan that makes you tired, it’s eating 1.5 days of food that makes you tired.

My hair stylist, who is going to Cabo for Thanksgiving with his family to have enchiladas and tacos, recommends very small portions for Thursday.

In lieu of America’s Most Smartest Model, our normal Sunday night programming, Mary Milan and I took in The Exorcism of Emily Rose last night on TNT.  It’s a weird movie, half courtroom drama, half horror movie.  It plays sort of like the Scopes Monkey Trial for demonic possession; Inherit the Wind meets The Exorcist. 

About three-quarters of the way through the movie, during the failed exorcism, it struck me that whenever the devil possesses a person in these movies that are “based on true events,” all they do is act scary.  They have scars on their face, flail about, and say some crazy ass shit.

Sounds like an epileptic, schizophrenic, meth head if you ask me. 

They never actually do anything evil or demonic, like open the gates to hell or raise demons from the ground or some shit like that.  That would be terrifying.  Fuck, I’d be happy if they did something just midly evil like bring a plague or steal somebody’s cookies. 

Don’t get me wrong, if I woke up and found Mary Milan all dystonic on the floor looking back up at me and speaking in languages she had no way of knowing, I would be scared as hell.

But after a few hours of being scared out of my mind, I’d probably be able to pool the mental resources to throw a blanket over her, call the police and have her hospitalized.  I sure as hell wouldn’t keep her in the house, like all these fools do after their loved ones get possessed. 

Mary Milan said she’d do the same thing to me if I ever just happen to get possessed.  Emergency plans.  They are important to have.

I walked the line yesterday at NBC. If you were one of the many who drove by on Alameda between 10 and 1 and honked – thanks. If you honked and I didn’t raise my picket sign or give you a thumbs up, I’m sorry – keep honking, there are others who are more fastidious in their acknowledgment duties. And if you were that lady in the blue Volkswagon who snapped a picture of us melting in the sun, I want a copy.

If there’s one thing about striking is that it’s a lot like making a movie on set. You walk around with not a whole lot to do and you eat a lot of yummy treats (Tasty Cakes, homemade cookies) and good food (steak sandwiches from Morton’s). For some of the writers, I imagine this is about as close as they get to replicating that one of a kind on-set experience.

And we got free stuff: a few guys from SAG came by and passed out ALCiS Pain Relief Cream, “engineered therapy for muscles and joints with nourishing botanicals and antioxidants to rejuvenate skin.”

Sounds cool, doesn’t it? You can be a part of it too. Whether you’re a writer-actor-director-whatever, union or not, if you agree with what the WGA is striking about, you should go to your local strike location and show your support. Not only do they want your support, more importantly, they need you to hang out with. Striking is boring. Walking in a tight little circle sucks. And clever chit-chat now on the the 10th or 11th day of walking with the same folks is hard to come up with. New people on the line means an influx of new stories and the old stories are new to someone.

Also, as an extra treat, Senator John Edwards will be walking the line at NBC studios this afternoon at 1:45 pm.

Taking a break from all the strike stuff, this a video that had me rolling on the floor.  It seems like Tupac was hiding out in Tony La Russa’s body.  The genius who made this at We are the Postmen deserves internet residuals.

John August, screenwriter of Go, Big Fish, Charlie’s Angels and others, has a great post about why the WGA is striking.  In very plain terms, he explains the wonky legal issues in authorship and ownership in the movies and why residuals are not called royalties.

And here’s a movie that WGA made -