johnnyhongkong says…

I guess Tom Cruise and his folks didn’t get the memo that Deacon Johnny Hong Kong was available to be at the Odescalchi Castle on Lake Bracciano in Italy to officiate his and Katie’s wedding. Hell, if you ask Joey Jerusalem and Jessie Napoli and the gathered attendees at their wedding, they would tell you that my ceremony was the best they had ever seen.

According to Reuters, in a traditional Scientology wedding:

[Scientology Spokeswoman Karin] Pouw said what makes a Scientology wedding unique is the advice offered in the ceremony for couples to maintain and improve their relationship.

Please. I did that too.

“They make a vow to each other that they won’t go to sleep at night without having repaired any upset they may have had during the day,” Pouw said.

Come on. Stay up all night? What if they get tired and they can’t think straight and start saying hurtful things?

According to the JHK ceremony:

…the journey of their marriage will be a hot, messy, unending, and beautiful work that most times will be easy and at others will be difficult and trying. The hard times are not to be feared though because getting through them simply takes the teamwork, understanding, compassion, patience, and love that they have already forged together. And the good times? Hell, they’re just good times.

Testify!

Scientology ceremony:

…the groom is reminded that “girls” need “clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat” — and is asked to provide them all.

The bride, in turn, is told that “young men are free and may forget” their promises.

In the Double Ring ceremony, the ring is a symbol of permanency and reaffirms the Scientology principles of affinity, reality and communication.

The JHK ceremony has nothing to say about anyone being promised “a pan, a comb, and perhaps a cat,” so I guess that’s my bad but it does have a bit about rings:

The rings that Joey and Jessie are about to put on represent the acknowledgement of having made this magical and beautiful thing between them, and more importantly, their commitment to the continuing process of keeping it beautiful.

The rings are thus the physical representation of a bride and groom’s commitment. The vows they share give their own voice to this promise.

So what if only the brightest Hollywood luminaries are in Italy attending the wedding (even Bruckheimer was searching the internet to see if he had scored an invite)?

We’re damn sure that the royalty present at JoeJesâ€™ wedding did not grace the TomKat wedding.

Royalty, you ask?

Damn straight. The King, pictured here, looking out over his vast empireâ€¦