We’re 30 days past the California mandated 30-day, no questions asked, cell phone return and plan cancellation policy so we’re stuck with our Razrs, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and T-Mobile.
It was high time to figure out how to email from the phone, particularly since I have all these great pictures from beer brewing last weekend that I need to get in order to do my home brewing post.
Mary Milan and I figured out how to text message and have even gotten pretty good with predictive text typing, coming a long way from our first texts that read, “Colllllllllodoadhefsbiasfshit.”
But email? That was a little confusing. With no email client on the phone, I couldn’t figure out where to type an email address. Each time I tried sending one of these brewing pictures to myself, I’d get a prompt to enter in a destination phone number and not an email address.
The T-Mobile website support page was not helpful. Each page which referred to picture mailing told me to send my pictures to “My Album” on “T-Zones,” where I could then send in emails or share with friends and family.
For those of you who don’t have T-Mobile, T-Zones is apparently T-Mobile’s online community where you can get ring tones, wallpapers, and store and share your pictures.
It seemed ridiculous and circuitous to have to upload photos to T-Zones just to email them but not having any luck in emailing any other way, I figured I should give it a shot. Maybe in my T-Zone, I could open up an email client or something.
After a few moments to connect to the T-Zone, “My Album” showed that I already had ten photos saved there.
Strange, considering I had never visited my T-Zone.
Of course I was curious, so I opened “My Album” and was greeted with photos of numerous Black men, likely self portraits taken from their camera phone, with subjects like “hey baby,” “check me out” and “i want you”.
And before I could get my bearings straight, BA-BAM!
A big, erect, black cock.
That’s right: a big, erect, black cock.
It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to what I was looking at: a big, erect, black cock, shot lovingly from a low angle, giving it heft and power, like it was Citizen Kane, accompanied by the subject line “heads up!”
At first, I thought it was a sculpture, like a kids art project or something. It only took a moment for me to come to the realization that every time Catherin Zeta-Jones says, “Get More,” she doesn’t mean “Get More out of life by staying in touch with your friends and family,” she means, “Get more big, erect, black cock.”
So who is this woman who owned my phone number before me? Who is this woman who gets the “heads up!” picture and thinks so much of it that she saves it online to her (my) album on T-Zones to share with her family and friends?
Wouldn’t it just be easier to keep this photo on her phone where she could not only set it as a wallpaper, a picture to refer to its owner, or just call it up instantly to gaze at without having to go to her T-Zone?
Beyond that, I’m most interested in whether or not her friends, boyfriends and hookups can post pictures directly to her (my) online album because I don’t want to get more pictures of erect penises.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just not being marketing saavy. This could become a new plan feature: $49.99 a month for a family plan with 1000 shared minutes, free mobile to mobile, and found porn!
Either T-Mobile needs to be a little more thorough in clearing online user material when the accounts terminate or we have to be a little more careful about what sort of shit we put out there. It’s the weird thing about this generation, what with MySpace and other played out social networking sites, blogs, and YouTube, kids these days have no real sense of privacy or a really, really skewed sense at the least.
If you have T-Mobile and you’ve never checked your T-Zone, go give it a gander, you may be surprised at what you might find.
And to the woman who used to belong to my phone number, you’ve been getting calls from Texas and Alabama. The last one sounded urgent – they left a voicemail – like it was a job opportunity. They said something about closing a contract. And if you miss Citizen Cock, I kept it (rather, I don’t know how to delete and I don’t know that I want to see the picture again) let me know in the comments where I can find you and I’ll text it to you.
Strangely, this has brought some odd symmetry to my life when viewed in light of Defamer’s link last week to my post about Keanu Reeves and his date at The Departed. Defamer wrote:
…we’re almost certain the scene in question was the infamous strap-on dildo scene, [jhk: it wasn't] which, while it did make the final cut, was hardly the kind of buzzworthy latex-sex-toy performance that is remembered come awards season. Reeves must have noticed the over-the-top, scenery-chewing manner with which Jack dangled the molded appendage in co-star Damon’s face, thus causing him to involuntarily blurt out, “Nicholson forgets that acting is reacting. I could have won that big, black cock an Oscar!”
When the photo revealed itself to me, I reacted exactly like Matt Damon’s character in that scene. If I had my wits, I would have put on my Boston accent too.
Anyway, I figured out how to email pictures. I had to select a different entry mode. Here is one of the pictures. The other pictures will be forthcoming in a little home brewing photo essay.
I just logged into my tmobile album a few minutes ago, and in between photos of my new baby I see a black or Hispanic male with a yellow thong and erect genatalia hanging down his legs.
I googled to see if Tmobile has been hacked. I think they have. I’ve had my phone number for 5 years now.