We went to see The Departed tonight in Westwood at the Mann Village. After two failures at securing the long elusive Oscar with Gangs of New York and The Aviator which belong in the genre of “bloated movies that are made to win awards,” The Departed is a nice return to form for Martin Scorsese who has made this movie with the same furious, energetic abandon that engendered all of his greats. It’s an out of control roller coaster and it’s one hell of a ride. It’s kinetic and propulsive like no other film I’ve seen.

Like he is in his best work, Scorsese is running around with a tightly packed stick of cinematic dynamite.

But this is not the point of this post. The point of this post is the woman sitting behind Mary Milan and me at the Mann Village in Westwood and her date.

This woman just couldn’t shut the fuck up to save her life. “OH, NO!” “WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, NEXT?” “WHAT’S HE GOING TO DO?’ “OH MY GOD, NO!” “AHHHH!” “DAMN!” *GASP* “THEY’RE ON TO HIM!”

A few times in the film, Mary Milan made the universal handsign for “bitch ass loud mouth” by forming a Pac-Man - or in this case, Miss Pac Man - with her hands holding it up just above my eye level so they could see our displeasure.

It didn’t help because whatever filter that makes everybody else able to watch a movie in silence was defective in this woman. It was like she had movie induced Tourettes where she would blurt out whatever emotion the movie made her feel.

Her date was pretty quiet except for some derisive laughter at a key moment followed by a snide remark about Jack Nicholson’s acting prowess (plot point - alert, this comes to bear later).

As the credits rolled, the woman blurted out, “WOW! THIS WAS…THIS WAS GREAT! THIS WAS…WOW. A GREAT MOVIE. THAT WAS FABULOUS.”

As we got to the side exit, the woman had stopped and was blocking our egress. She was looking outside to the rest of her party and was pointing back into the lobby, as if she had to go to the bathroom. It struck me as we stood behind her that she should just blurt out, “I HAVE TO PEE!” instead of coyly pointing to the lobby and because she is obviously oblivious to those around her, nearly into Mary Milan’s shoulder.

Mary Milan, already annoyed with this woman, bats her hand down and says, “Excuse me” and we walk past her and into the alley where we see her gentleman companion:
Keanu Reeves.

That’s right. Not only is Keanu Reeves dismissive of Jack Nicholson’s acting, he also brings loudmouths to the cinema.

Now of course, had I known it was Keanu, I would have listened more closely for his bon mot about Nicholson’s acting choices.

So in lieu of that, I humbly present Mary Milan’s bon mot about Nicholson’s acting. Referring to Dana Stevens review in Slate, Mary Milan said, “So what if Jack Nicholson didn’t play it right, it was damn fun to watch.”

• BROWSE / IN TIMELINE
• « clockin’ a grip like his name was dolemite
• » cold war, on the sly

• BROWSE / IN flicks mary milan recommendations
• « seriously, i’m not bullimic
• » cold war, on the sly