In many ways, Snakes on a Plane is a film that is made to be perfectly insulated from criticism. The movie refutes every criticism, valid or invalid, by saying, “Come on man, Snakes on a Plane; it’s Miller Time!”

And that’s exactly how the movie could have failed. If David R. Ellis had tried to make a good genre movie, like Jonathan Mostow’s Breakdown, SoaP would have failed miserably. The Hermeneutically sealed “Snakes on a Plane; It’s Miller Time” defense would have broken down if the staging and pacing wasn’t so awkward, if it weren’t so full of cliches, etc.

But still, there are two ways in which to engage it as a cinematic text:

1) Hell No, it’s not Miller Time

That is to say that its forebear is less the B-movies of the 1970’s and more the Nouvelle Vague of the 1960’s.

Like how Week End is an allegory for the impending decline of Western civilization, SoaP is an allegory on the state of modern air travel in the time of terrorism. As we saw in real life a couple weeks ago at Heathrow, almost anything on a plane can be dangerous. Most blogs - this one included - jumped on this development with endless jokes about “Liquids on a Plane,” “Butt Plugs on a Plane,” “Beverages on a Plane” so on and so forth.

And that the SoaP villan is Eddie Kim, a ruthless Korean gangster, who beats up his sparring partners and was raised by a single mother, perhaps it is telling us that the third member of the Axis of Evil is mobilizing. Maybe SoaP should become a Presidential Daily Briefing entitled “ILL DETERMINED TO UNLEASH SNAKES IN THE UNITED STATES.” I mean, we know that Kim Jong Ill loves his movies.

2) Hell yeah, it’s Miller Time!

I mean, just taking it for what it is - a movie about snakes on a plane. And in that way, it reminded me of the movies that were made when I was just a wee johnny hong kong: fun, ludicrous, and as Lee-Roy said as we exited the theater, “wildly entertaining.”

What I am trying to say is that if mathematics is the only pure truth in this world, then perhaps the only way to explicate Snakes on a Plane is a math equation:

Where L = Ludicrousity, (Samuel (L) “Hot Ass Action” Jackson (Snakes + Plane))^{number of people in the audience} = “Wildly Entertaining”

And one last thing: when the movie starts, be sure that you’re the one who screams, “I can’t wait to see some motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane!!” No one did last night at The Grove, but you could tell that everybody wanted to. Mary Milan sort of squeaked it out, but no one heard her.

You’ll be heroic.

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