johnnyhongkong says…

So if I had just eaten 53 and three-quarter hot dogs (that’s about 12 pounds of food and nearly oh, 15,000 calories), I most certainly wouldn’t look like Takeru Kobayashi:

But that’s why I’m not a world eating champion. Shit. I had two hot dogs for lunch yesterday and I looked more like Joey Chestnut, Kobayashi’s recently vanquished foe, than Kobayashi (and considering I’m Asian and as you know, all Asians look alike, that’s some shit):

I don’t think I’ll be getting into the world of competitive eating. Besides the whole eating 50 hot dogs part, I just don’t think I could handle the emotional swings. It’s sort of like why I won’t ever go on “Fear Factor”: If I just ate 5 plates of pig brain and other assorted viscera I expect to win $50,000. Don’t tell me I just lost to some asshole who ate 5 and 1/2 plates. After pulling out the “Joey Chestnut Stomach Opening Massage”? FALSE! Shit, I’d punch someone’s light’s out.

As an aside, if Chestnut suffers a crushing blow to his ego from this loss and never competes again, I want him to become the Tom Emanski of competitive eating instructional videos. I mean really, check out his form as he massages his belly - the slight crook of his upper back and the angle of his hand and fingers - what a natural!Â Millions of kids can and should learn from him.
Hey! Who the hell snuck that photo of me after lunch yesterday? And where did I get that crazy belt?

In his article for the San Francisco Chronicle, “Controversy dogs eating contest,” Justin Bertin strings together perhaps the best run of sports writing I’ve read in all year:

Kobayashi set a world record by swallowing 533/4 hot dogs in 12 minutes, yet his victory was contested. At about 1:50 p.m., with just a few minutes left on the clock, the 6-foot-1, 230-pound Chestnut was tied with his diminutive competitor as they neared the 50-dog mark. Suddenly, Kobayashi appeared to regurgitate — a move that results in automatic disqualification and that speed eating experts call “a reversal of fortune.”

As Kobayashi lifted a cup of water to his mouth, a spray of bread chunks and wiener bits shot into his cup, which the 170-pound champion immediately gulped down.

“The judges found a quarter of a hot dog in his cup,” said Patrick Chestnut, Joey’s older brother who witnessed the spew from the front row as he cheered on his brother. “If that’s not grounds for disqualification, what is?”

Gersh Kuntzman, the judge who ruled in Kobayashi’s favor, saw it differently.

“The effluvia never touched the table,” Kuntzman said, a distinction he claimed was part of the International Federation of Competitive Eating’s official rules.

“When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that’s the testament of a champion and great athlete.”

Still, Chestnut refused to blame the officiating decision.

“I feel like I could have prepared better,” he said afterward, still red-faced and drenched in sweat. “I could have pushed myself harder.”

[snip]

After the competition was done and Chestnut was bested, Kobayashi hoisted the Mustard Belt above his head. Chestnut lowered his head and rested on his hands on the table. He’d eaten more than any other American in a previous competition and had led Kobayashi during the first half of this contest by as many as two dogs.

As he watched Kobayashi receive the trophy, Chestnut looked back down at the empty plates from which he had consumed 52 hot dogs and pressed his eyes closed.

Kobayashi is clearly the Barry Bonds of competitive eating, but is he the “Barry Bonds” of the sport? That’s what Deadspin wants to know. Their investigative team has turned up the following graphic: