johnnyhongkong says…

I was surprised to hear from Hello Kitty Superstar, who is in the midst of her summer adventure through Asia. Last I heard, she would be hacking her way through the Thai outback without access to niceties like the internet. However, that did not stop her from emailing a link to the Dog Bones Backyard blog with the ominous words “for the boys.”

It looks like the guys from Silent Library are back with some new shenanigans. Fear not Silent Library fans, these shenanigans are only “new” in the sense that they no longer take place in a library. Rest assured that no matter the geographical locale, these men are still abusing each other in cruel and hilarious ways.

Apparently, the men standing on the “chopping block” have to say a tongue twister before time runs out and bad things happen:

It looks like Japan is where I need to go to pitch Rochambeau Rule. Do they even play basketball out there? They certainly love their baseball. I wonder if the nut kicker position can be adapted for the ball diamond…

Now if only we could trick the Bushes to say their names backwards, maybe New Orleans can begin rebuilding…

First Bush fumbles the response in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Then, upon getting drafted by the New Orleans Saints, Bush stated that he would not be a problem to sign.

In fact, he was so easy to sign, he theatened to sit out the season and is now officially a holdout.

This whole situation has officially has crossed over into Mister Mxyzptlk’s 5th Dimension of irony.

A couple weeks ago, Carmen Santa Rosa said to me, “You know what I saw recently and really loved? The Village. Why did you tell me it sucked?”

Well, because it did.

“No it didn’t. I thought it was an interesting commentary on innocence and the price of staying innocent. I also thought it was interesting how the elders capitalized on fear to protect their people from crime. In that way, it coud also be about the way American society functions…”

Yeah, yeah, and it’s a meditation about the price utopia too but it doesn’t make it any good.

It’s not that I don’t like Night. In fact, I quite like his films. At the big budget studio level, no one makes movies like him and his skill at creating mood, telling it with camera composition and movements, and allowing actors to act (and not editing together performances) is undeniable.

It took me a couple of veiwings with Unbreakable before I was able to disregard the comic book nerdery and actually enjoy the filmmaking. Now, I much prefer Unbreakable than The Sixth Sense (I even prefer the the first two acts of Signs – or the first 118 minutes – more than I do TSS).

But man – Lady in the Water is a hot ass mess. It’s the first of his big studio pictures that lacks the surehanded direction that guided the previous films, even The Village. In fact, Lady in the Water makes The Village look like The Godfather…III.

Continue reading ‘being m. night shyamalan’

Here’s a great article in the San Francisco Chronicle detailing how Whole Foods has responded to the recent criticism in Michael Pollan’s book The Omnivore’s Dilemma. In his book, Pollan pulls back the curtain on Whole Foods revealing the hypocritical practices of the supermarket chain: While they advertise that you’re buying spinach that was hand harvested from your neighbor’s organic backyard and wild salmon that was mouth caught by the indiginous polar bears of Alaska, in reality you’re buying the same organic spinach and wild salmon that’s sold at Ralph’s which is not from a local farmer or some fisherman named Al, but rather huge corporate farms and fisheries.

Though the Whole Foods Corporation comes off as responsive to the criticism with CEO John Mackey engaging in a letter exchange with Pollan (I wonder where my $25 gift certificate is for all the rotten fruit) and then instituting changes, it feels bit disingenuous because it all comes off to me with a sharp aftertaste of marketing acumen. It’s also clear that the bigger impetus for Whole Foods to change (or “raise the bar” as it were) is that they feel the heat from Wal-Mart, retail’s 8 ton gorilla, and their plans to go into organics.

That’s right. The best thing to happen to the diets of working Americans is not pretentious ass Whole Foods. It’s Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart, bitches. And that’s punk rock. Just like how Target is the hottt place to buy clothes.

Anyway, back to Whole Foods. I love this quote:

“We have people working in our stores who are incredible produce merchandisers — they display beautifully, and we hire for that,” Rogoff said. Expertise in buying great local produce hasn’t been a priority, he added.

Damn straight they display beautifully. In fact, they “display” so beautifully that they’re able to pass fruit that was on the verge of going off as succulent and muy delicioso.

All goes to prove that the Whole Foods marketing department is devilishly clever. Damn. WF owes me $10. I swear I’m going to be like the paperboy in Better Off Dead. Just when they think they are rid of me, I’m going to pop up screaming, “$10! I want my $10!”

LAist has this post about emergency preparedness which sort of proves that I am not completely neurotic or out of my gourd with chapters one and two of this series.

Let’s say, among all this extreme heat, the Big One hits? Electricity is knocked out, water isn’t working and the city is basically shut down.

What are two of the most important things you need right now?

It’s water and shelter (you can go without food for much longer than without water). On the water issue, are you ready? Brita filters don’t count. Neither do a few water bottles.

They have a point. As summer 2006 in California has officially been branded “Hot As All Hell^TM” by the California energy grid (replacing the previous brand “it’s hot in he’rrrre^TM” as delineated by Nelly in 2001) an ill earthquake would be far more devastating if we lost power and water for a few days in this type of heat. 

Remember the 2000 people who died in European Heat Wave of 2003?  Add that shit to an earthquake and you got yourself one hot ass shaking mess.

When you go on holiday to Provence or Athens, one of the things on the agenda may be a food tour. It makes sense, since food is such a clear articulation of a region’s culture and values and eating is a vital daily activity, what better way to engage yourself in the place you are vitising?

So in Provence, you’d eat a lot of fresh, bright citrus flavors, rataouille, and bouillabaisse with fresh aromatic herbs. In Greece, you’d see a lot of fresh fish, lamb, lemon, and parsley.

Now those are two pretty romantic food destinations. What if you’re in Central Wisconsin?

It’s a meat paradise: deer, cow, and pig so fresh that they might have been killed in the back yard – roasted, grilled, or pan fried – and slathered in brown gravy, but Fridays are for fish frys – Catholics, what are you gonna do?  There’s a lot of fresh fruit but curiously not a whole lot of fresh vegetables.  The flavors are not generally bright, which is not a bad thing, it’s just how the food is there; to demand “bright flavors” would be culturally imperialistic.
Here’s an non-exhaustive list of all the goodies we ate while we were there:
Venison (as steaks in gravy, as bacon and as preserved venison and pork jerky. the venison was killed by Mary Milan’s dad or one of her brothers)
Fresh sugar snap peas (from the vegetable patch)
Raspberries (from the many raspberry patches – fresh, jam, and two bomb ass pie)
Fresh cheese curds
Deep fried cheese curds (from Wagner’s Dairy Treet)
The Bomb Ass Cole Slaw (from Wagner’s Dairy Treet)
Deep fried pickles (from that Brew Pub in Marshfield)
Steak
Beef tips
Fried chicken
Roast pork
Cantaloupe
Watermelon
Corn on the cob
Triple berry cream tart
Roasted Marshmellows

As we ate our way through the Farm (and I mean, we ate like there was no tomorrow because all that stuff was soooo good) I was reminded about how culturally imperialistic I must have come off as when early in our courtship, I sent Mary Milan back home with a recipe for Seared Venison with Chili Tangerine Glaze, Goat Cheese Mashed Potatoes, and Garlic Spinach. She had been talking a big game about how she was dating an ex-chef and how she was going to cook one of my recipes for them. It was supposed to be a graceful introduction to the farm.

It went over like a big plate of raw chicken. The food drove her little sister to tears.

Seriously. She cried. I think that’s why, to this very day, she harbors ill feelings toward me.  For example, she chased me around the house trying to hit me with a fly swatter. I will give her credit though, she also swang a broom at a calf with ring worm who was trying to bite my ass. Come to think of it, she also tried to punch and kick another calf in the head.

Dude. This little 3-foot 4-year old is violent…