Yes, it’s true: I don’t own a cell phone. Neither does Mary Milan. And yes, it is amazing that we are still able to live productive lives.
Many say, “Just get a cell phone, johnnyhongkong! Remember Fort Hamilton Parkway!”
And yes, while I was very glad to have a cell phone to call the police if needed, many of you will remember that the cab that came to save us was not called, rather, it just showed up.
As with most ongoing conflicts, this one has become a battle of wills. The ideological ground where my anti-cell phone stance began (phones = modern form of slavery) has been diluted by this incessant back and forth harangue:
Them: “Dude. Get a cell phone.”
Me: “No.”
Them: “Dude. Do you have a cell phone yet?”
Me: “No.”
Them: “Dude. When you get a cell phone, we’re never going to stop making fun of you.”
Me: “…”
Needless to say that when I found this little ditty on Slate by Bryan Curtis, I felt totally validated. Two days ago, there was totally a guy who I wanted to punch in the face because he was practicing the “transspatial version of particularistic communalism” by yelling into his cell phone while walking behind Mary Milan and me.
Curtis writes:
In Arthur C. Clarke’s 1964 story “Dial F for Frankenstein,” the world’s land lines all ring at the same moment, signaling that the phone system had gained consciousness and was rising up to enslave humanity. “For homo sapiens, the telephone bell had tolled,” Clarke wrote, and these days, market penetration being what it is, Armageddon is more likely to announce itself with a custom ring tone.
Word.
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COMMENTS / 8 COMMENTS
johnnyhongkong says… » Blog Archive » we’re still anti cell phone added these pithy words on Apr 04 06 at 1:31 pm[…] after much deliberation and fearing that we would ultimately become “that guy” or this girl who got kicked out of a mall for yammering on her cellie, Mary Milan and I are still anti cell phone. […]
H Smith aka Conrad Connecticut, Esq. added these pithy words on Feb 09 06 at 4:52 pmIn the interest of full disclosure, JHK fails to mention the fact that he once had a cell phone. It was 1993 I believe and NO ONE had cell phones but JHK bought himself the then “smallest” available phone that came with this new fangled ability to “vibrate.” Cell phone charges were then about $3.99 a minute and the phone was so big that it looked like Bin laden’s SAT phone by today’s standards. But still, JHK looked cool on it.
johnnyhongkong added these pithy words on Feb 09 06 at 8:15 pmthanks conrad. now you’ve got the U.S. Government thinking that I provide cellphones to AQD.
Nikki Nagasaki added these pithy words on Feb 13 06 at 3:50 pmJHK doesn’t need a phone.
He has an entourage to make the calls for him. They all have cell phones. Ironically, their cell phones look like they’re from 1993.
cinetrix added these pithy words on Feb 13 06 at 6:56 pmAh, sounds just like the phone that the dreamy Takeshi Kaneshiro picks up in The Odd One Dies.
Paul Hakel added these pithy words on Feb 11 08 at 11:34 amI’ve continued to be anti-cell phone and am a Sophomore in college; I think that perhaps they could be useful in emergency situations, but they’re wasteful and disruptive as social tools. Cell phones are just another excuse for people to lead haphazard, unplanned lives instead of planning, deliberating, and being on a good schedule. The idea of needing a cell phone also exploits our insecurity and plays on fears that we “need” a phone, whereas in fact human history has gotten along fine without them and many cell phone calls can be avoided through planning and using alternative methods and skills.
Garyl45 added these pithy words on May 30 08 at 4:40 pmMore power to ya! I never have and never will own a cell phone. If you wanna talk to me you can call me at home or try to find me!
coffeeman64 added these pithy words on Jun 11 08 at 7:22 pmI have been anti-cell phone for the last three years (I’m a college junior). In high school, my parents gave my twin brother and I a phone for emergency situations, but we hardly used it. Since beginning college, I’ve become increasingly astounded at the way people are very dependent on their ability to phone and text walking to class, in their cars, etc. It’s just a pity that people will do anything to escape the world around them.
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