3:05 Mary Milan tears up when they introduce Desmond Howard and Bart Starr, the Green Bay SB MVPs, during the MVP ceremony. My question is where the hell is Joe Montana?

3:10 The Seahawks run out to “Bittersweet Symphony.” WTF? What’s so bittersweet about playing in the Superbowl? They are already emotionally defeated. Game Over. Before the game has even started, Pittsburgh has joined Dallas and San Francisco with five Superbowl Titles.

3:40 Is it just me or does 16 Blocks look like Die Hard 3: With a Touch More of a Vengeance?

3:52 Does Pepsi know that “brown and bubbly” is absolutely disgusting imagery? PepsiCo must fire their ad agency.

4:17 Momentum has just shifted to Pittsburgh.

4:18 No matter what they do, monkeys are funny, especially when they burn dollar bills to light a cigar.

4:20 Momentum just shifted back to Seattle.

4:22 The Dove Self Esteem Fund and the Campaign for Real Beauty commercial brings us one of the most messed up comments. Ever. Donnie D.C.says, “What’s the point of being attractive if the unattractive girls feel good about themselves?”

Meanwhile: what the hell is the party next door cheering for during the commercial? Are we watching the game on a delay?

4:24 Is it just Mary Milan or does Joey Porter look like 50 Cent with the crooked black Dodger cap?

4:26 The commercial for the Tim Allen dog movie. The last shot is Tim Allen running and knocking over an old women with a walker. On the back legs of the walker are tennis balls to improve sliding mobility. Every walker I’ve ever seen has the tennis balls jammed onto the back legs of the walker. Why don’t they just make walkers with sliders on the back two legs. Is it an insurance liability? “You break your hip by putting sliders on your waller, we’re not paying for the surgery.” Sort of like an aftermarket modification to your car - “If you get in an accident with an aftermarket mod it voids your insurance.”

4:34 Mary Milan screams, “RUN BIG BEN, RUN!” Completion to the 5-yard line. Mary Milan screams, “YEAY!!” Dang. Rothlisberger does a crazy dance on the line of scrimmage. Whether or not the Bus rolls it home, momentum has shifted to Pittsburgh.

4:51 What’s up with Holmgren’s play calling? Bill Walsh did not train this type of idiocy in play calling. A run play? As the clock is running down to the half? WTF??

4:59 It’s half time and we’ve finally decided that our neighbors are watching it on delay. It’s sort of weird hearing them react minutes after the play. Donnie D.C. says, “It’s like they’re retarded; they see the same thing we’re seeing but it takes them a minute to process what they saw. It’s like those people who laugh at a joke 30 seconds after everybody else laughs.” A beat and our neighbors yell, “7-3 Steelers, bitches!”

5:06 Since the NFL has employed old dudes to perform at the halftime show after Janet and Justin’s nipplegate, I hope Mick Jagger or Keith Richards has a penis slip. It’ll scar me for life but it would be very funny.

5:08 Why aren’t the Rolling Stones cripples? They’ve been doing this gig for 40 years. Mary Milan says, “Mick does have sensible, comfortable shoes on though. I think they’re Jordans.” Donnie D.C.’s girlfriend says, “He’s so nimble…and sexy.” I say, “Keith looks like a mummy. Wait, isn’t Keith dead? Is that someone impersonating Keith?”

5:30 All these Grey’s Anatomy commercials promoting their “Code Black Episode” has got me interested in what the hell “Code Black” is.

Donnie D.C. says, “I bet it’s small pox but ER’s already done it so that’s pretty weak.”

I agree but I say, “that’s why they have to raise the stakes. I bet it’s ebola which makes makes small pox look like chicken shit.”

Mary Milan says, “An alien is being born to an urban virgin.”

“Yeah…just like baby Jesus,” I say.

5:32 Fast Willie Parker breaks a run. TD - this is historical - the longest run in Superbowl history. This reconfirms my assertion that momentum has shifted to Pittsburgh for good.

5:41 Josh Brown misses the field goal. Game over. Start cranking the Bittersweet Symphony in the locker room. Maybe it’ll make y’all Seattle fans feel better.

5:42 Mary Milan starts crying during the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial in the barn where the baby Clydesdale straps himself into the carriage harness to pull the carriage and the big Clydesdales pushing it behind him. It’s her favorite commercial. I think it has something to do with growing up on a farm.

5:43 Is this Fabio shampoo commercial for real? Are they serious? Thank God, no. Mary Milan says, “Maybe we should invest our money with Nationwide.”

5:46 Our neighbors jeer at what must be Josh Brown’s missed FG that happened at 5:41.